The Dartboard... With My Face On It

One of my superpowers is building relationships—the kind where, if I pick up the phone in a crisis, I know exactly who will answer and have my back.

That kind of network does not happen by accident. It is built over time, through trust, generosity, and a genuine willingness to help others first.

If you stop and count the number of people in your industry, outside of your own organization, who would do the same for you, and that number is less than five, it might be time to expand your tribe.

And here is the most important part: Relationships cannot be transactional. No one likes a leech. I never start by asking for something—I start by giving. Whether it is sharing insights, making someone’s job easier, or offering a hand before they even ask, I treat it like building up a bank account for a rainy day.

People are often surprised by how much I am willing to share, but here is the truth: Helping someone else costs me nothing. And in reality, I gain just as much from it as they do.

But sometimes, you meet someone who does not speak your language. Someone you really need in that moment—who does not particularly like you.

The Day My Name Got Added to Someone’s “Do Not Answer” List

This happened to me in 2015 when someone at our software provider decided that “no one” used a particular field in the printing section of the system. So, they repurposed it.

Turns out, someone did use that field. Hi, it’s me. I’m the problem, it’s me.

That small change completely disrupted our process. Maybe that is a little dramatic—it did not shut down printing entirely. But it did prevent our instruction sheets from printing, which, for us, was a very big deal.

There was exactly one person at our software vendor who could fix this for me.

Her name was Jan.

I called her and explained, in detail, why this change was breaking everything. Let’s just say Jan was not a Lori Brown fan before this call. And at this stage in my career, I had not yet learned that you catch more bees with honey.

An Eight-Year-Old’s Reminder to Stay Professional

I remember it vividly. I was driving up I-5, with my eight-year-old daughter in the backseat, trying my best to convince Jan to undo this change. I was animated. I was compelling. I was getting absolutely nowhere.

Jan was a brick wall.

I hung up the phone, infuriated. And then, from the backseat, I heard:

“Mommy, you said the S-word. You are not supposed to swear at work.”

To be fair, she was my first child, and I had not yet developed my full parenting skill set. Also, I was really frustrated.

I think I replied with something mature like, “I am an adult, I can say whatever I want.” 

(Beat.)

Not my finest leadership moment.

The Dartboard 

Jan and I went back and forth for days. The more I pushed, the more she dug in. I had to find a way to change the dynamic. So, I sent her a dartboard.

Not just any dartboard.

A dartboard with my picture on it.

I included a note.

“I know I drive you crazy, and you may already have one of these, but just in case you do not, here you go.”

And I shipped it to her.

A few days later, I got a voicemail from Jan.

“Hey Lori, this is Jan. I received your gift. Thank you very much. I appreciate your partnership.”

Her voice was flat. Unmoved.

I listened to that message and thought, Well, I tried. If that did not work, I give up.

Five minutes later, I got another voicemail.

This time, Jan was laughing uncontrollably.

“Oh my gosh, Lori! I had not opened the box when I left that last message. But Sally and I just opened it, and I cannot stop laughing. This is the best gift anyone has ever given me. I absolutely love it!”

This was someone who, just days before, objectively disliked me. I had never heard her laugh. Not once. No amount of self-deprecating jokes had ever cracked through.

But that dartboard? That broke the ice.

From that moment on, Jan became an ally. She had my back. And when I visited our software provider’s corporate office six months later, I decided to stop by her desk.

The Final Twist: What Are the Odds?

Sure enough, the dartboard was still there, proudly displayed on a shelf (without any holes, I might add).

And here was the kicker.

That day, of all the outfits I could have worn, I was wearing the exact same shirt that I was wearing in the photo on the dartboard.

What are the odds?

Jan and I stayed in touch for years. And when she eventually left the company, she even called me to give me her personal number. We exchanged texts about our kids and grandkids, proof that sometimes, the toughest relationships become the most meaningful.

The Takeaway: Build Bridges, Not Walls

Sometimes, when you do not get along with someone at work, it is not personal. It is just that you do not understand each other yet.

Take a moment. Humble yourself. Extend an olive branch.

Because having people who have your back will take you farther than having people who do not like you.

Humor is one of the most underrated leadership tools. Have you ever turned a work relationship around with laughter? Tell me your story—I am all ears (and apparently, also dartboard material).

Gratefully,